I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
