He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
