I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are the jesus of drinking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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