you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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