she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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