I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
