ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
