Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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