I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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