just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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