I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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