She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
