he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
