You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
