I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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