Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
