There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
