I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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