my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
