We are two peas in an std pod
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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