The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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