No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
