Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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