come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
