I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
