Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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