Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sponge bath it is.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
