If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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