I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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