It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
