I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
