Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
