I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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