I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
