If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
