True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
