video games are the ultimate cock blocker
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
