she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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