He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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