Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you will always have a special place in my vag
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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