i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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