Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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