The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
