Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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