You smell like stripper and shame
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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