just tell him i said nine months
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
