It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
