I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
