I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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