...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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